Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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