Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
