it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
