Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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