I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's great music for shaving your balls
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
