I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
