break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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