Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
