At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
