I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
