final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just found a bag of teeth...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize