You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
