Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
