I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
