mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
