My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize