I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
