if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
