he puts the penis in happiness.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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