The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
