Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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