Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize