you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
