Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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