The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
