i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
