Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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