Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
