I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
