So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
