What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
