You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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