I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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