I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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