what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
