Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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