If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
