I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
