I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
