They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
