The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
