Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
