She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
