Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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