how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
