Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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