We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
