whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
