The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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