her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
