Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
