he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm passing your future prison.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
