I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
