That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
