Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize