Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
