I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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