you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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