Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
