Already got asked if we're dating
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
