is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Too much gin, very little bucket
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
