You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
