I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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