My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
