it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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