i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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